Sometimes I look at my son and think he is getting SO big! And other times he still seems so little. Is this normal?! I feel like I am going to look at him this way forever. Just the other day as Jacob approached his 6 month birthday I had a realization. Sort of an “ah-ha” moment (I’ll get to that in a second).
If you read my first diary entry you will know that my son is nottttttt the best sleeper. Well, that’s putting it mildly. He has gotten better, even though he has his good and bad nights, but overall its been difficult.
I was SO desperate. I was trying everything to get him to sleep better at night. On a GOOD day he is up once or twice a night, but on average he is still waking up 3-5 times. I was making myself crazy because a lot of what I was reading is telling me that at 6 months old they should be capable of sleeping through the night.
That was my first problem. I read too much. I google everything and take everything so seriously. Sure, at 6 months most babies may be very capable of sleeping through the night. But not all babies will. Why was I feeling like such a failure because my baby wasn’t sleeping? I was stressing out about everything. I mean everything. Is he napping too much? Is he not napping enough? Are his naps too close to bed time? Is he awake between naps too long? Am I feeding him enough before bed time? Is his night time routine consistent? Do I let him cry a bit? Do I not let him cry? Should I refrain from bringing him into the bed with me? All of these thoughts and a million more were going through my mind 24/7. My anxiety was through the roof.
THE “AH-HA” MOMENT
Now, about that “ah-ha” moment. The other night we had plans to go for dinner for my mom’s birthday. 5:00pm at Swiss Chalet. Sounds simple enough. NOPE. For me, it was a disaster. Jacob hadn’t slept since before 2 in the afternoon and was refusing to nap before we went so of course I started to panic. The whole night was a mess. I didn’t enjoy myself and probably made it unpleasant for everyone because I am not very good at hiding my misery.
That night was when I decided enough was enough.
I was done with it all. Done with trying so hard to get a 6 month old to be anything other than a 6 month old. And that very same night I saw this photo while I was scrolling on Pinterest.
Just let him be little.
It was as simple as that. And that is what I am doing. I no longer worry about what is out of my control and I let him be. He is his own person. Maybe in a month from now he will be sleeping better, maybe it won’t be for years. But you know what? It doesn’t matter to me anymore. Before I know it he will be a teenage boy who sleeps all day long. For now, I will let him be little.